I'm Trying Not to Love You!
by I can never tell
Summary: A struggling figure skater decides to call it quites. That is of course, until her all time biggest celebrity crush appears on her doorstep to coach her. What could possibly go wrong? (Fem Yuri series rewrite.)
1. Chapter 1

**This is a requested story :)**

The Grand Prix Final had an atmosphere unlike any other. Nervous energy floated in the air along with hairspray, and song lyrics. Faces were wet with tears, joyful or otherwise. Hundreds of people filled this building and they all seemed to hum to the same song of anticipation. Well, all but one. Yuuri Katsuki sat down on one of the plastic chairs that lined the hallway. All around her skaters and their coaches were bent in deep conversation. Family members embraced one another and a cheering crowd could be heard through the drywall. In this time of excitement, Yuuri was strangely subdued. Her coach, Celestino, stood nearby. Yuuri looked intently at her phone, the headlines were already rolling in. "Put that down! Looking at the news won't do you any good!" Celestino scowled.  
"Katsuki Tumbles to Last Place. Will this season be her last one? Possibly," Yuuri recited. She sighed, this kind of publicity would usually send her crawling under a rock but right now she couldn't find it in her to care. "I'm going to get some air," she said, getting to her feet.

Yuuri walked with her hands in her pockets and her eyes down.  
She stopped at a vending machine to get something to drink. Holding the blue sports drink she wondered around looking for somewhere quiet. Thankfully, the lobby area had mostly cleared out by then. Yuuri sat in the corner next to one of the windows, watching the headlights of cars pass in the distance. Her phone was heavy in her pocket, she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. Quickly dialing Yuuri put the phone to her ear.  
"Hey, Mom, where you sleeping? Sorry." Yuuri listened to her mother describe an elaborate viewing party, to which everyone they knew was invited. Yuuri chuckled, trying to picture a gaudy party in their homely inn. As her mother continued Yuuri felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. Not being able to sit still she got to her feet to pace. All of the emotions she had locked away were beginning to escape. _I disappointed everyone._ Tears gathered in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, hanging up the phone before she completely broke down. She wasn't going to let herself cry about this anymore but hearing her mom's voice put her over the edge. She stood there, in the middle of the lobby sobbing. Not the discrete tears other girls had shed, but loud, disgusting blubbering. She took a few shaky breaths, pull it together Katsuki. Whipping the blurriness from her eyes Yuuri took a sip of her drink. The cold sugariness of it made her feel better. Kind of.

Turning to rejoin Celestino Yuuri gasped as she collided with something. She fell back onto the floor, sticky Gatorade flew everywhere.  
"Idiot! Watch where you're going!" A voice growled at her. Her eyes widened once she recognized who she ran into. The Junior Grand Prix Final gold medalist, Yuri Plisetsky.  
"I'm so sorry!" She said. She stumbled to her feet, slipping on the wet floor. Yuri glared at her, blue dye was already beginning to stain his jacket. He whipped at it, grinding his teeth.  
"I should have guessed you'd be just as much of a clutz off the ice," he snarled.  
"I-" Yuuri stammered, cheeks red hot. "Sorry…" Her hair was in a messy ponytail, mascara was smudged under her eyes, and droplets of Gatorade spotted her glasses. Yuri's eyes pierced through her.  
"Maybe it's time for you to retire." He pointed a finger in her face. "This sport doesn't need two Yuris." He turned on his heels, storming off in the direction of the rink.  
Maybe he has a point. No one would miss me. There are dozens of talented skaters who could take my place.

Yuuri walked behind Celestino, they made their way towards the door without exchanging words. Morooka stopped her.  
"Don't give up Yuuri! You're too young to retire!"  
"Thanks but it's a little early for that," Yuuri replied, her tone emotionless.  
"Yuri-."The sound of her name caught her attention. She turned to see Victor Nikiforov walking gracefully through the crowd. Yuuri's heart jumped. Was he, by some miracle, coming over here? "You did well tonight but I think your step sequence could use a little more finesse."  
"I wanted to die so who really cares. Quit nagging me already." Yuuri watched the exchange, of course, he meant the Russian Yuri. Disappointment tickled her heart. She let her eyes linger, maybe I'll get a chance to talk to him. Someday… Victor looked over his shoulder, Yuuri choked as their eyes met. A blush crept over her face.  
"Want to get a photo?" He asked with a smile. "Sure thing!" He motioned for her to come over. Yuuri's insides liquefied. She ducked her head and hurried towards the exit.  
"Don't you want a picture with Victor?" Morooka asked. She didn't even bother to look back.  
 _I'm an idiot. Did I seriously think I could play on the same field as him? Of course, I ended up getting humiliated._ Victor watched as the Japanese skater turned her back to him. He couldn't help but be confused.

One year later…

Yuuri walked through the Hasetsu airport. Tugging off her surgical mask she took a deep breath. It's been five years since I've been home, she thought. Things sure have changed.

Yuuri readjusted the bag hanging off her shoulder. Reaching the bottom of the escalator she wheezed. The walls were stamped with posters of her! She ran over to them in disbelief.  
"Yuuuuurii," someone sang behind her. "Welcome back after five long years!" Yuuri turned. Minako. _Of course, she knew my exact arrival time._  
"Hi Minako," Yuuri said. "It's good to see you."  
"Is that Yuuri the figure skater? I haven't heard much about her in a while." Voices swirled around them. Yuuri looked at the ground feeling the weight of their stares.  
"Excuse me can I shake your hand?" An older man asked causing Yuuri to turn away.  
"Sorry but uh- I'm in a bit of a hurry," Yuuri said, trying to push past the stranger.  
"It doesn't cost you anything to shake hands!" Minako said, pushing Yuuri's hand into an awkward handshake. "Victor Nikiforov is nice to his fans and you will be too!" Minako dragged her through the airport and out the door, "you're going to great everyone in town!" She declared. Yuuri frowned looking at the ground.  
"Actually I'm pretty tired from the flight. I just want to rest."  
"Right now? But everyone is so excited to see you," Minako said. Yuuri chewed the inside of her mouth. There was no point in trying to argue.

When they arrived at the inn Yuuri's stomach was turning. It had been so long; too long.  
Her family flooded into the small entryway, smothering her in warm affection.  
"Yuuri! It's so good to see you," her mother said, clasping her hands in front of her. The older woman had her hair brushed neatly into place spar for the few strands on the top of her head that refused to lay flat. Her cheeks were full and rosy when she smiled nothing in the world could dampen the radiant glow that surrounded her. Yuuri's felt a warm gloss coat her eyes. She blinked rapidly, overtaken with a sudden and strong homesickness.  
"I should have visited," she said, wrapping her mother into a hug.  
 _Mom._  
The last time she was home Yuuri's mother had held her close, wishing her a teary departure to Detroit. Now all these years later Yuuri stood taller than her mother. She clung to the woman in her arms taking notice to how their roles had flipped.  
 _I didn't realize how much I missed this._  
When eventually they pulled apart Yuuri felt as if no time had passed. Her family had quickly absorbed her back into her place, there was no awkwardness fitting back into the unit. This space was and will always be meant for her.

"Yuuri what are you hiding under that coat!" Minako screamed, stripping Yuuri from her heavy outerwear. Minako seemed to have some kind of internal fit as she flicked her eyes down Yuuri's… comfortable physique. A laugh emanated from the other side of the room.  
"Wow, Yuuri, you look just like your mom!" Yuuri rolled her eyes, pulling her shoes off and placing them off to the side.  
"This is no laughing matter! A figure skater has to have a certain physique and that is not it!" Minako ground out, eyes flaming.  
"Relax Minako, it's not as if I have to be in shape for anything right now anyway," Yuuri said, stepping towards the kitchen. Minako opened her mouth to argue when Yuuri's mother intervened,  
"Dinner anyone?"

Yuuri spent the majority of the next few days settling back into the lazy rhythm of the hotspring. She was enjoying the food and the people and especially the sleeping in. It was late morning when a knock on her door prompted Yuuri to pull her head from under the covers.  
"Yuuri get out of bed! Come help with the snow!" Yuuri's mother called through the door.  
Snow? Yuuri peeked out her window and sure enough, fluffy snow coated the ground. Sliding out of bed Yuuri pulled a worn DSC (Detroit Skating Club) sweatshirt over her head. She hadn't been out of her room for almost two days. Her hair was in a French braid from the night before, messy strands stuck out and the back was matted with frizz. Shoving her feet into the first pair of shoes she could find she walked outside into the blinding daylight.

The cold bit at her face and hands. Mari was leaning up against the wall wrapped in a scarf and puffing on a cigarette. She threw a shovel which Yuuri fumbled trying to catch.  
"You should probably start with the front walkway," Mari said, exhaling a stream of smoke.  
"Aren't you going to help?" Yuuri asked.  
"Um... I'm pretty sure I did my part already," Mari replied pointing to a small cleared patch of concrete near the side of the building. Yuuri sighed, there was no use trying to reason with her, not until she's finished her cigarette anyway.

By the time Yuuri finally made it back inside her cheeks were pink and her nose was running. She was sweaty and disgusting. Her clothes stuck to her as did the baby hairs around her forehead. Walking towards the hot spring Yuuri was knocked to the ground by a pile of silver-gray fluff.  
"Wha- Victor?" Yuuri's fingers ran through the curly poodle hair as the mystery dog licked her face. "You're too big to be Victor. Hold on this dog looks just like-" she was cut off by a slobbery tongue on her cheek. She shielded her face from the wet puppy kisses. The happy poodle looked down at her with large brown eyes. His tail wagged against her leg.  
"Alright Makkachin, that's enough," a voice said from down the hall. The accent caught Yuuri off guard, she strained to look past the wall of fur. The dog lurched off of her, stepping on her stomach in the process. Yuuri sat up and adjusted her glasses. "Sorry about that, Makka gets very excited to meet new people." A hand was held out for her to take. Yuuri looked up to see none other than Victor Nikiforov.  
"Victor?!" Yuuri gasped, jumping to her feet. Victor smiled, retracting his hand. "Why are you here?" Yuuri choked. Her eyes locked onto the man in front of her. His hair was damp and he was wearing a robe which was left slightly open, exposing a body cut from a slab of marble. Victor's eyes trailed over her face, his skin was pink from the recent dip in the hot spring  
"Well hello Yuuri, I'm going to be your new coach," Victor said. Yuuri's eyes widened. "You're going to make it to the Grand Prix Final, and you're going to win," he finished with a wink. Yuuri's mouth was hanging open.  
"What?" Her voice wavered through several octaves.

She didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of something bigger than she could have ever imagined.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed this fun little rewrite. I hope to make things amazing and sad. I'll keep going if it's something someone wants to read.**

 **PREVIEW~**

 **"Oh boy. He's here. He's actually here! Victor Nikiforov is going to give me a second chance at victory. I can't have a crush on my coach! There's no way that would ever work! Professionalism for Pete's Sake! But look at those eyes... that body... No! This can work. I can keep it together! I have to!"**


	2. Chapter 2

"Go talk to him," Mari whispered.

"No- I can't. No way," Yuri said back, sending a nervous glance to the door.

"Are you serious?" Mari hissed. "I had to listen to _years_ of you obsessing over the all amazing Victor Nikiforov, now he's actually _here_ and you're hiding in the hall closet!" footsteps sounded from outside the door. Yuri quickly put a hand over her sister's mouth.

"Shhhhh! Someone will hear you!" Yuri breathed waiting for the footsteps to pass.

"Good. Maybe Victor will hear me. Hey Vic-" Yuri tackled Mari so quickly several items fell from the shelf onto them.

"I swear to God Mari…"Yuri trailed off. Mari rolled her eyes,

"Ok, fine. Get off me will ya? I'm currently in a very intimate situation with a feather duster." Yuri clumsily got to her feet, pulling Mari up with her. Victor was walking down the hall when the sound of two hushed voices caught his attention. One voice in particular made him stop in his tracks.

"Yuri?" he asked. The voices inside stopped immediately. "Yuri are you in there?" Victor knocked on the door. The handle turned and the door opened just enough to make out Yuri and her sister huddled in the supply closet.

"Just a minute please," Mari said before closing the door again. Yuri's mind was screaming.

"Oh my God! What do I do?" She gripped her sister's arms tightly.

"Honestly Yuri! Stop being such a wuss. Just go out there and talk to him!"

From outside the door, Victor listened to the rapid-fire Japanese, he was able to pick out his name on more than one occasion which resulted in an amused smirk settling over his features. "No, no, no, Mari stop!" Yuri pleaded, as her sister pushed her out of the closet and directly into her all-time biggest celebrity crush.

Victor looked at her messy hair and the blush that burned across her cheeks. "Hey victor," Yuri cleared her throat. "H-how are you?" Yuri asked, tripping over her own feet.

"I'm fine thank you. And you? Was there a party in the supply closet I was unaware of?" Yuri felt her cheeks burn even brighter.

"No, I mean- I just needed a broom." Victor's mouth turned up ever so slightly, Yuri's heart skipped a beat.

"I like your hair like that. It shows off your eyes." Yuri's hand instinctively trailed through her rat's nest of a French braid.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"I was just on my way to get Makka from outside."

"Right, well I should be going to-" Yuri made a move to escape.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Victor asked, making her turn to look at him confused. "The broom?" Yuri's eyes widened. The closet door opened and Mari poked her head out. She threw the broom to Yuri who caught it looking absolutely mortified. Mari leaned on the door frame.

"Yuri I found the broom." turning to Victor she said, "Hey there." Victor smiled both of them.

"I really should get Makka. It was nice seeing you two!" He chirped. "Good luck with the sweeping." He waved at them and turned to walk down the hall.

"Victor, you'll have dinner with us tonight won't you?" Yuri asked before she had a chance to stop herself. Victor looked over his shoulder, his face lit up like a child's.

"I'd love to! See you both tonight!" Yuri smiled at him until he was out of sight.

"Mari?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to stab this through my chest," Yuri said, handing her sister the broom handle.

The dinner table was buzzing. Victor was being entertained by numerous family stories and her father's retelling of the Ninja Castle history. It was oddly relaxed, considering the circumstances. Yuri had a chance to clean herself up before dinner and she was wearing one of her favorite sweaters. Victor very much enjoyed the pork cutlet bowl, but that was hardly a surprise. Everyone loved it. Mari got up to go out and smoke when she was stopped by a pile of boxes.

"Uh- what's all this?"

"Oh you can just take those up to the the room where I'll be staying," Victor said casually.

"Say what now?" Yuri and Minako said in unison.

Yuri helped Victor carry up the boxes to his room, which just so happened to be only a door down from hers.

"What a cute little room," he said stretching.

"Sorry it's so small," Yuri said, crouching to set a box on the floor.

"I'll make it work don't you worry. And I'll defer my coaching fees until you actually win something." Yuri's eyes widened as he kneeled in front of her, his hand trailed down her arm to her hand, his fingers trailed over her lower lip. "What I really want to do," he said, his tone intoxicating, "is to get to know you. I want to know where you stake, what hobbies you have, about the boy you like…" His fingers brushed over her knuckles sending sparks flying under her skin. "A relationship like this should be built on trust don't you think?" Was it just her imagination or was he leaning closer? Yuri pushed herself across the room, slamming into the wall behind her. "What's wrong?" Victor asked, his eyes widening.

"Um.. leg cramp." The rest of the box moving was uneventful. Yuri retreated into her room the first chance she got. Mari was in there waiting for her.

"So?" She asked.

"So, what?" Yuri said, flopping onto her bed.

"He's totally into you!" Yuri laughed out loud.

"No, he is not. He's… Russian. I don't know. He's personal that's for sure but there's no way he _likes me._ Not like that."

"Come on! He saw the video of you online and fell instantly in love with the little Japanese figure skater with pretty eyes. He rushed out to buy a plane ticket, abandoning his career, all in search for the one who stole his heart." Mari clasped her hands in front of her chest. Yuri threw a pillow at her.

"Shut up."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow… Miss. Yuri Nikiforov…" Yuri threw another pillow which Mari dodged on her way out. Yuri stared at the ceiling.

 _There's no way…_ she thought.

There was a knock at the door.

"Yuri-"

 _Oh God, it's Victor._

"Let's have a slumber party! It's a great way to get to know each other…"

 _No no no no no no_

Yuri leaped from her bed. Frantically ripping the Nikiforov fangirl posters from the walls and burying them under her bed. There was no way this was real. Yuri laid in bed for hours but there was no chance sleep would grace her. Not tonight. Because if she fell asleep there was a chance she would wake up from whatever dream she was in right now. Her hands fell on either side of her face as she went over all of the events of the past day.

 _There's no way…. Unless, maybe, just maybe, there is._

Yuri didn't like running. Sure it helped sometimes with the anxiety, but the actual act, the sweating, heavy breathing, and soreness (none of which the fun kind) was not one of her most favorite past times. However, chasing after Victor Nikiforov as he rode in front of her on a bright yellow bicycle, that she could get behind. She managed to catch her breath once they made it to the rink, barely. It was kind of a big deal that Victor was there, I mean how could it not be? This man, the same man who had become the world's best figure skater by age sixteen was currently practicing a routine at the local Ice House. He skated past like he dominated over the ice, swirling and spinning like a snowflake in the wind.

"Now remember piggy, you're not setting a foot on this ice until you've lost some weight!"

First running now stairs? Yuri felt as if she might actually die. Up and down and up and down. The whole time Victor was trying to have a conversation! It was almost as bad as when the dentist is asking you questions with his fingers in your mouth. "Tell me about yourself, what do you do for fun?" All Yuri could do was pant and gasp in response, trying her best not to throw up in front of her idol. They took a break- _finally-_ meaning Victor was sitting on the bench that Yuri was practicing her jumps on. But hey, at least they were stationary! "Tell me about Minako," Victor said, gazing at the clouds.

"Minako has her own ballet studio. I went there a lot as a kid- I was there more than I was home," Yuri said, sitting down on the bench next to him. "She's actually the one who suggested I get into skating in the first place." Yuri gazed at the ground smiling at the happy memories.

"You have feelings for her?" Victor asked, noting her content appearance.

"No, no, she's like a sister to me!"

"Do you have a lover now?"

"..no"

"What about ex-lovers?" Yuri swallowed,

"I'd rather not talk about that right now."

"Alright, well let's see, I've had quite a few-"

"Wait! Victor!" All of a sudden Yuri wished they were running.

One week later...

Yuri didn't notice the crowd outside Ice Castle as she sprinted inside.

"I made it!" She panted. She leaned with her hands on her knees, gasping for air like a fish. Looking over at the triplets she said, "Guess what girls, my weight is finally back to what it was before the Grand Prix Final. Now Victor will finally give me permission to skate!" She moved to push open the doors when something pushed her roughly inside. She laid on her back looking up at the finger pointed in her face.

"This is all your fault, stupid. Now say you're sorry!" Yuri Plisetsky yelled in her face.

 _The Russian Yuri..? what is he doing here?_

Eventually, the blond teenageer let her up. He leaned against the counter to the skate rental. "Victor promised to choreograph a routine for me. Did he promise you too?" Yuri rubbed the back of her neck,

"Well, we haven't really talked about programs yet." Yuri seemed to pop a blood vessel.

"If you're not working on a program what have you been doing? Why is he wasting his time on you?!" His voice dropped quickly dripping with venom. "You know if he knew about that little sob fest at the Grand Prix Final he'd know what a big cry baby you are."

 _Wow. This little punk is really underestimating me._

"Look, I don't know what kind of history you have with Victor but you can talk to him yourself. It's not like I made him come here. He came here because he _wanted_ to be my coach." They entered the rink and Yuri gasped.

"I recognize those moves," he said. "They are from the program Victor was working on for next season. His goal has always been to impress the audience but know no matter what he does no one is surprised anymore. It really eats at him." Taking a deep breath Yuri yelled across the ice, "Hey Victor you have time for a little chat?!"

"Yuri! I didn't know you were here. I'm surprised Yakov let you come! Need something?" Looking at the teenage boy standing next to her Yuri was sure he'd explode. Victor's voice taunted from the ice, "whoa that's not a happy face." Yuri had to hide a snicker watching the exchange between the two. After Victor finished his workout he stepped off the ice, The shorter, angrier Yuri was practically vibrating.

"Oh yeah, I remember now. It totally slipped my mind, you know how I forget things sometimes."

"I'm painfully aware," Yuri mumbled under his breath. "I'm holding you to your promise! We're going back to Russia!"

Yuri felt her stomach drop.

 _He's leaving?_

She looked at victor her eyes pleading. He pondered for a minute, then two, the whole time Yuri felt as if her heart would explode.

"I've got it. I'll choreograph a program for both of you to the same music!"

"What?"

"No way!"

"Don't worry you two, this song has two parts. You'll each get one-half. I'll decide in one week what the assignments are." Yuri felt herself cringe. A whole week with this Hot Topic punk wanna be.

"Why don't we make this a little more interesting? Some friendly competition. You have to do whatever the winner says understand?" Yuri cocked his leg, looking up at Victor with his signature glare. Victor's eyes lit up,

"I love that Idea!" Yuri felt the adrenaline kick in. A competition against Yuri Plisetsky? In one week? To determine my entire future and career?

 _I am so screwed._


	3. Chapter 3

Victor's skates scraped along the ice like the cursive writing in a love letter. His movements were loose and flowing. Yuri watched as the same beauty that trickled down from cherry blossom trees sped past her almost too quickly to see clearly. When Agape ended the air was different. Unconditional love. Yuuri's mind struggled to process such a love. A love that would warrant one to give everything they had for another.

 _Will I ever love something like that?_

"Well what do you think?' Victor's question jarred her out of her trace.

"Yeah, I got it. No problem," Yurio said with such a certainty that it caused yuri to gape at him in shock.

 _That was a hard program… Victor manages it effortlessly… but can Yurio do it?_

Along the side the sound of clapping filled the air.

"That was wonderful!" A cheerful young woman smiled at them with rose tinted cheeks.

"Who said this chick could be here?" Yurio sneered.

"This is Yuuko, she's part of the staff here," Yuri offered in explanation.

"I shouldn't have interrupted your practice but it was just so lovely," Yuuko gushed. "Sorry." And maybe it was the kindness in her voice or the animated sparkle in her eyes, the same one that caused Takeshi to fall head over heels for her, but something about her cut through the hard shell exterior of the Russian Punk. For a fraction of a second, Yuri Plisetsky let his guard down.

"Alright, Yuri you're up next." Victor moved over and changed the music.

 _A program choreographed just for me by Victor himself._

The music started strong and powerful. Victor's body bent and twisted following its opening to a tee. He stopped suddenly, flipping back his hair and sending a look that instantly brought a blush to Yuri's cheeks. Her breath trailed weekly over her lips.

"Eros," Victor started, his tone threatening to melt the ice, "sexual love. Pleasure layered on pleasure until you're drowning in ecstasy." Yuri tried to follow Victor's movements but the pounding in her chest was more than a bit distracting.

 _It's sex on ice. There's so much eros in this routine I think it might impregnate me!_

Victor's body continued to _move._ It was fiery, passionate, _erotic._ Whatever cherry blossoms she saw before had been replaced with a cascade of rose petals. They dipped and swayed in the air tickling her skin and sending shivers up her spine.

 _There's no way I can skate like that!_

Yuri's stomach twisted. Anxiety appeared behind her like a phantom, breathing down her neck, wrapping her in a cold, hard chokehold.

"Well what do you think?" Yuri's scrambled for something- anything to say. She pushed herself out of the hold of her anxiety, it's hands were no longer on her, but it's dark cloud hovered nearby.

"It was very eros."

"I know right," Victor's voice was carefree, he lazily leaned on one leg a sharp contrast to the Victor seen moments before. "What quads can you land."

"I can do the toe loop, and the salchow in practice but never in a competition- but maybe I can still try it. What do you think?."

"I think you should stick to the fundamentals. I'll work with Yurio first, I have no intention of wasting the day trying to teach you something you can't do." Yuri's cheeks burned. She tried to ignore the snicker from the blond boy along the sidelines.

"Why do you choke in competition? You've shown you have the ability to win so why don't you." Victor's voice lowered, his eyes locked onto her's. Yuri averted her gaze.

"Probably because I don't have a whole lot of confidence." She picked at her fingers, feeling exposed.

"I want to help you find that confidence." Victor's hand reached up, his thumb trailed across Yuri's lower lip. Her skin was electric. He slid closer, so close that their skates were interlocked. She could feel the heat coming off his body. His eyes bore into her, blue and restless. She dared not to take a single breath. "Release the eros within you. Maybe no one's seen it before but I know it's there smoldering deep down inside you waiting to escape." His hair tickled her cheeks and their noses touched. "Can you show it to me?" Yuri was frozen. Could he feel her body trembling? Probably.

"Hey you're supposed to be training me not making out with the Piggy!" Yuri's voice cut through the air.

"Ya!" Victor called back. He slid back creating space between them, Yuri exhaled. "Well anyway, I want you to be thinking while you're training. I want to know what eros means to you."

 _Eh?_

"Yeah, no problem."

 _Big problem._

Yuri sat with her legs outstretched on a yoga mat in the staff locker room. Takeshi stood behind her gently easing her deeper into her stretch.

"So you're stuck with basic training because you don't get eros?"

Yuri relaxed into her stretch. "Why didn't you just make something up?"

"Easy for you to say. The song tells a story when Victor performs it about a charming playboy who comes to a new town to win the heart of a beautiful women. At first she refuses, but after he showers her in gifts and flattery she gives in. Once he gets what he wants he throws her aside and moves on to the next town."

"Whoo sexy take me now!" Takeshi laughed, sitting up on the bench he added. "Sorry but that doesn't really sound like you."

"Gah! I know!" Yuri groaned plopping down on a bench across from him. "What am I going to do?"

"You looked pretty sexy in that video where you copied Victor."

"I can't keep doing that… And you're married!" Yuri pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. Takeshi raised his hands,

"All I'm saying is maybe fake it till you make it in this case."

"I'll never be better than him that way," Yuri mumbled, chewing on her lip.

"Wait… you think you could be better than him someday?"

"No, no of course not! I'm just…"

"Look Yuri, how many dates have you been on? He's the hottest figure skater in the world."

"Again. Married. And don't you think I know that? No matter what I do everyone is going to wish it was him performing eros." Takeshi patted her knee,

"Don't sell yourself short kid."

Yuri decided to unwind in the hot spring. She let the warm water ease her sore muscles. Basic training sucked.

 _Come on, I'm a women. I'm 23! I should be able to project some kind of sexuality._

Yuri leaned back in the water. From the other side of the fence she could hear muffled Russian chatter. _Victor makes it look so easy…_ She leaned back so her head was resting on the stone ledge, the hot spring was mostly empty this time of year. There was the occasional guest but typically it was just Yuri and her family. Mari wasn't much for the heat, she said it was soccicating so Yuri usually got the whole place to herself (for a couple of weeks anyway). That is of course assuming her mother wouldn't decide to join her… that is always a _fun_ experience.

"I've doing everything you told me to and still it's not good enough? Bullshit!" Yuri's voice carried over to her.

"Yurio, shut it!" Yuri said, her voice expressing her dry exasperation. "People are trying to relax over here!" She placed a towel over her eyes. There was a moment of silence and then she hear a faint.

"You mean she can hear us?" And a laugh Yuri assumed was Victor's. She smirked and sunk lower into the water.

They met up again at dinner. Yuri had her head down on the table, next to her Yurio was falling asleep into his bowl. Across from them Victor was chowing down on a delicious pork cutlet bowl.

 _Mmmmm._

Yuri's eyes shot open. She sat up quickly, "That's it! Pork cutlet bowl is my Eros!" Immediately her face burned.

 _Oh. my. God._

Yurio snickered at her. "I take it back," she said. Victor smiled at her.

"No, I mean it's a bit unconventional but we can work with that."

 _ **Oh. My. God.**_

Yuri soon excused herself from the table to go for a run. She ran by the ocean,

"I'm such an idiot!" she screamed over the wind and waves.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE: This takes place off screen, in-between episodes 1 and 4.**

* * *

Yuri glided over to the center of the rink. Her head was spinning, all the feeling in her feet was gone. _I can push through, I can do this,_ she thought, setting up to practice her short program. "Focus on the spins this time, I want them clean!" Victor called from off to the side. Yuri nodded, pushing the cramping in her stomach down with sheer will power. The music started softly at first then building. Building. Every note faster and prouder than the last. Yuri struggled to keep up with its thundering tempo. "Yuri keep up! Your lagging!" Victor's voice echoed off the walls. Her head throbbed with every heartbeat. _Faster. cleaner. Make it perfect._ There was no satisfying the beast inside her. At first she only fumbled one jump, than another, and another. Her legs begged for her to stop. _It's not enough,_ she thought. _I'm not enough._ She pulled out of her spin early. The world continued to rotate around her. Black spots danced in front of her eyes. Off in the distance the music stopped, the rink was silent. Her knees hit the ice with a crack. She was gone.

"Yuri! Yuri!" Victor kneeled in front of her. Her vision returned slowly, she was laying on her side, the cold bit at her cheek. "What's wrong?" Victor's hands hovered helplessly. "Yuri?" His voice sounded muffled.

"I'm ok. I'm ok," Yuri said, pushing off of the ice. Victor pulled her to her feet, his face was etched with worry. "I'm just a little dizzy that's all." Her legs trembled. "Can we take a break?" She asked. Victor nodded, keeping a hand on her back as they crossed the ice. Yuri sat down on the bench, avoiding eye contact.

"Here." Victor handed her a sports drink. She took a sip, her hands shaking noticeably. Victor stood in front of her, watching closely. "Are you sick? Hurt? Do you need a doctor?" Yuri quickly shook her head.

"No! I'm ok. I just need a minute." Victor huffed.

"People who are ok don't faint after five minutes of skating."

"Victor," Yuri sighed, setting down the bottle. "I'm fin-"

"I'm going to need more than that," Victor interrupted.

"I-I didn't have time to eat before I left," Yuri said, a blush creeping up on her cheeks. Victor crossed his arms over his chest.

"Do you have any idea how irresponsible that is? Skipping a meal before practice." Yuri wouldn't meet his eye. Victor looked at her noticing the sharpness of her cheekbones and the lifelessness in her eyes. His eyes narrowed, Yuri swallowed eyes glued to the floor. "Did you forget dinner last night too?" Victor accused.

"I'll do better next time," Yuri said quietly. Victor's eyes widened, a pit formed in his stomach. This wasn't right.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Yuri sat quietly for a minute then two. "Yuri." Victor's tone was beyond serious.

"I don't know!" Yuri burst out. "I don't remember. Maybe a day ago, maybe more." Her voice was so unsure, so weak. Victor's hands closed into fists.

"I'm taking you home," he said, picking her jacket up off the bench. Yuri's eyes widened.

"You can't say anything around my family. I'll do whatever you want but you can't tell them about this," Yuri begged, getting to her feet. Anger boiled in Victor's stomach.

"Why not! Is it worse than I think it is?"

"No, I... " Yuri struggled for the words. "I had _issues_ when I was younger. But it's not like that I swear," Yuri said quickly. "They'll freak out about something like this. You can't tell them. It was a mistake. I lost track of everything, I'll be more careful next time."

"Next time? Yuri, what is this. Why are you keeping things from me? we're supposed to be a team!" Yuri looked at the ground. "Fine. I see how it is." Victor turned and walked out the door. The second he was out of sight he let his composure fall. His hands were shaking, fear gripped his chest. _Not like before? What before? Why didn't I notice anything?_ He pounded his fist against the brick wall. Exhaling sharply he pushed his hair out of his eyes. His mind began to wonder, replaying the past few weeks in his head. He had put such an emphasis on Yuri getting back in shape. Had he been too harsh? Guilt burnt through him. How could it not?

Yuri stood completely paralyzed. Victor wasn't supposed to find out. This was not part of the plan. Frustration burrowed through her lungs. She picked up the sports drink and chucked it.

"Dammit!" She hissed. The bottle exploded sending blue liquid cascading down the wall. Pacing the length of the bench, Yuri contemplated running after him. She had to make him understand. She wasn't sick. She wasn't reckless. Not anymore. Grabbing her coat, Yuri hurried to the door. Pushing open the glass doors Yuri saw Victor walking down the sidewalk. His back was turned to her. She longed to call out to him, to run after him; but something inside wouldn't let her voice escape. Watching the stiff, irritated way he walked, Yuri couldn't face him. Instead, she fled. Turning the opposite way she disappeared down side streets, with nowhere in particular to go.

Victor walked with a purpose unknown to him. In his feverish attempt to clear his head he had managed to cross town. He pulled out his phone. _I should call Yuri, make sure she got home alright._ He felt foolish for leaving her. He should have taken her home himself. Holding his phone over her contact Victor sighed. _She's an adult. She can manage._ Stowing the phone deep in his pockets Victor tipped his head back, looking at the gray sky. It reminded him of home. People often found this kind of inbetween weather gloomy, but to Victor, the gently moving overcast was somehow comforting.

A car drove by, splashing through a puddle. Water flung up onto the edge of Victor's coat, pulling him out of his trance. Looking in the direction of the offending car a familiar sign caught his eye. Minako's dance studio. Crossing the street Victor paused only a second before walking inside. The studio was small, but bursting with music. Minako was in the middle of a class, five or six little kids twirled around the room to an upbeat song. Victor stood off to the side with a few of the parents. Everything about them was so bright. One little girl, in particular, caught his attention. She moved in a way that demanded control of the room, all the while a smile planted firmly on her face. Victor smiled, it reminded him of Yuri. _Yuri_. His smile fell.

The class ended shortly after he arrived. Victor walked over to Minako, she turned, surprised to see him. "Victor? What brings you down to the studio?" She was whipping her forehead with a towel.

"I was hoping to speak with you. About Yuri," Victor said. Minako's eyebrows knit together. Before she could reply the little girl ran up to her, holding tightly to a CD. She babbled excitedly in Japanese, holding out the disk to her teacher. Minako smiled, accepting the CD. "You dance beautiful," Victor said. The little girl blinked at him, clearly not understanding what he said. Minako translated, causing the girl's face to light up.

"Arigato!" She chirped, running back to her mother.

"You were saying," Minako said, concern flooding her voice.

"Do you-" Victor paused. "Was Yuri anorexic as a child?" Minako's eyes widened.

"Why would you ask that? Is Yuri alright?" The words seemed to strangle her.

"She mentioned something earlier that concerned me. Something about her past." Minako brushed him off.

"If Yuri mentioned something then you should ask her about it."

"Minako, I wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't relevant." Minako's heart jumped. She grabbed Victor's sleeve,

"What have you seen?" Victor could see the fear behind her eyes.

"I'm not sure." Minako closed her eyes, exhaling. "I wanted to be sure before I pressed her," Victor said. He had grown up in the world of performing. He knew how detrimental something like this could be to an athlete's career. Minako paused, deciding whether or not to speak.

"She struggled through the junior division. Yuri was never like the other skaters. I think being surrounded by competition for the first time in her life overwhelmed her," Minako said finally.

"What did her family do?"

"Nothing. I mean, I couldn't even convince them there was a problem until it was almost too late. I'm a dancer, I see this kind of thing all the time. But it's different when it's family. It's harder for them to believe it."

"How did you help her?"

"After her season Yuri finally came clean. Her coach took her off the ice until we were sure she was ok. Be honest with me Victor, do I need to be worried about this?" Victor took a second to think before saying,

"No. I think I jumped to conclusions too quickly. Yuri is fine, I shouldn't have bothered you." Minako let out a breath of relief.

"Gah! Victor, you can't just say stuff like that! If Yuri knew you were snooping without good reason she would be very, very upset with you."

"I guess I'm just being paranoid. Well, I should be heading back. Enjoy the rest of your day," victor said, trying to seem as normal as possible. He exited the studio heading in the direction of the inn. His mind was racing. He didn't know why he was hiding things from Minako. The only thing he was sure of was he had to do something about this and fast.

When Yuri got home there was no sign of Victor. She sat down at the table, stomach turning. Yuri's mother walked into the room, noticing her daughter she said, "Oh, Yuri you're home! I just made lunch, have you eaten yet?" Yuri shook her head and before she knew it a plate of rice curry was placed in front of her. She took a spoonful, staring at it intently. _I have to eat. I don't want to hurt anyone, not like last time._ The most painful part of her recovery was seeing how much pain she had put her loved ones through. She put the curry in her mouth, it tasted wonderful. Yet, she still had to push down the desire to spit it out. Swallowing she took another bite and another. It wasn't getting easier. _What is wrong with me?! I don't want to be like this!_ Emotion swirled in her chest like a storm cloud. She was so determined just to finish _one_ meal she didn't hear the door open.

Victor stepped inside. When Yuri noticed his presence she dropped her spoon. She looked up at him unsure what to think. Her mother came out of the kitchen. "Welcome back Victor! Would you like some curry?" His eyes settled on Yuri he stared so intently like he was trying to commit every detail of her to memory.

"No thank you," He said, stepping in front of where Yuri was sitting.

"Are you sure? You don't usually turn down my cooking," the older woman teased. She noticed the tension in the room. Looking back and forth between Victor and her daughter she asked, "is something wrong?" Victor looked at Yuri, her eyes were desperate, begging for his silence. He took a long breath,

"No, no. Everything's fine." Yuri's mother smiled.

"Ok then! I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Yuri relaxed ever so slightly.

"Thank you," she said. Words started pouring from her mouth, "I promise I'll never do anything like this ever again. It was a mistake, a slip-up. I should have talked to you, I should have been honest." She was waiting for a response. Anything to get rid of the gnawing guilt in her stomach. Victor's eyes locked on the food on the table.

"Make sure you finish that. We don't want a repeat of this morning." His voice wasn't angry, or upset; even so, a blush fanned across Yuri's face. She took another bite chewing it carefully. Once he was satisfied Victor walked down the hall to his room closing the door. Yuri's heart was pounding. She knew eventually they were going to have to talk about it. But right now all she had to worry about was clearing her plate.

Victor stayed in his room the rest of the day. Yuri kept waiting for him to come out and yell at her, to announce to everyone her weakness, but he never did. She stood in her room looking at the old pictures on her wall. Pictures of her as a kid, as a teenager, pictures from college. She looked at herself smiling and laughing, not a care in the world. She looked at down at her stomach, at her legs. Peeling off her sweater she stood in front of the mirror wearing just a sports bra and leggings. She studied her reflection. Physically she was in better shape than she was a year ago. She had a body like the one she had in college, fit from daily practices and numerous competitions. But something wasn't right. Something was missing. Her eyes. They weren't her's. She looked at her emotionless expression, it was like looking at a mannequin. She was becoming lifeless. The whispers in the back of her head had claimed her spirit and still, they wanted more. Staring at the girl in the mirror she couldn't be satisfied. There was always something that needed improvement. There was always something wrong.

There was a quick knock at the door. Thinking it was Mari, Yuri called, "Come in." Victor appeared in the doorway, Yuri turned quickly, instinctively covering herself with her arms.

"Can we talk?" Victor asked. He didn't seem to notice she wasn't fully clothed or maybe he just didn't care.

"S-sure," Yuri replied. He crossed the room and stood behind her. She was turned towards the mirror, looking at his face in the reflection. She jumped as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I want you to see what I see." Victor trailed his palms down her arms. A shiver ran under her skin. Yuri's breathing was shallow, she was all too aware of how little space was between them. He wrapped his fingers around her forearms, "This body if full of strength." She could see him looking at her in the reflection. "There is so much power here," Victor said. He was all but whispering in her ear. His arms suddenly wrapped around her waist. Yuri inhaled sharply, the presser around her middle was the only thing keeping her grounded.

"Victor-" she said, pushing against his grip. "I'm not doing _that_ anymore; I told you. I'm never doing _that_ again." She wiggled trying to push free, his arms were locked around her uncomfortably tight. Victor spun her around, so she was facing him. His eyes were mere inches from her own, staring her down with a blazing intensity. Yuri's cheeks burned, her heart began racing.

"Never again," he repeated. Something in his voice exposed the anger he was hiding. "I won't watch you throw away everything you have to appease those who will never have half as much." Victor's eyes narrowed, if Yuri knew any better she'd say he was in pain. "How could you look at this body with hate. How could you be so ungrateful?" Victor demanded. Yuri's throat began to burn. She wanted to object but she couldn't trust her voice to speak. Victor's eyes softened, his eyes trailed over her. "There are no flaws here."

Yuri closed her eyes, a tear escaped down her cheek; her lip quivered, "I'm sorry," she said, barely audible. "I'm so sorry." she sobbed, tears pouring from deep inside her. Victor pulled her against his chest, holding her close. Her tears wet his shirt but he never once considered pulling away. "I thought I could handle it," Yuri said. She took a shuddering breath, "I was tired of the comments and remarks. I was tired of all of it," her voice wavered. "I'm so tired," She said, gripping a fistful of his shirt.

"I know," Victor said. He ran his hand over her hair, she clung to him so tightly. Victor could feel her erratic pulse and shaky breathing. The floodgates had broken open; there was no more hiding, no more denial. Victor felt the weight of her pain wash over him as it escaped. It flowed forcefully, all the suffocating torment. And his heart ached for her.

* * *

 **A bit different than the stuff before... this is what I want to do this this piece. I want to explore things not seen in the show, things that would affect a female figure skater (more so _maybe_ than a male counterpart) ((this is in no way saying men don't struggle as well.)) What do you think? Too much? It's real. **


	5. Chapter 5

Yuri sat cross-legged on the couch watching Russian Yuri throw sparkling costumes around the room. Victor was lounging next to her, glancing mindlessly at his phone. Something black was flung onto her face. She pulled it off and glanced at the smooth, glittering, fabric. She trailed her fingertips across it, something fluttered in the back of her mind and as her nails caught on the sequence she could hear the music.

"I remember this costume," She said. Victor looked over at it and hummed. "You're hair was crazy long back then and the way you moved- the light caught on all the gems and-" She cut off and her cheeks flushed. "But you knew that. Of course. It was yours," she fumbled. Victor's eyes smiled at her clumsiness.

"Try it on." The fabric fell onto her lap.

"What?"

"Try. It. On," Victor said again, emphasizing every syllable. "It was created to be both masculine and feminine and the cut would suit you." Yuri stared at the man in front of her trying to decipher the joke he must be telling. _He's not kidding,_ Yuri thought with a girlish excitement flowing in her stomach.

"Fine. But there's no way it will fit me," Yuri said. She moved so she was standing behind the couch. Yuri's green eyes clicked over at her. "You don't get to watch," Yuri said moving her finger in a twirling motion. Yuri turned his back with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

Victor's scalp tingled at the sound of fabric hitting the floor. He closed his eyes and through his ears he saw the familiar fabric being pulled over a new form. His head had remained respectfully turned the other direction until a small exhale triggered an involuntary jerk of his neck. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of dark fabric and it hooked his gaze. The velvet cascaded off her hip like a waterfall. Her skin was coated in was seemed to be diamond fragments. Victor knew this costume, he lived in it, forged memories in it, but this… the seams had torn and reformed around a new mold. Reformed into something mesmerizing. "I can't get the zipper," Yuri said and turned so her bare back was facing him. Victor cleared his throat and took the metal zipper in hand. She shivered as she felt the zipper slide closed, the teeth catching one at a time. After it was done, Victor removed his hand from the small of her back and it's warmth was missed.

She stood in front of the mirror and her lip twitched upward. It was beautiful. Victor was watching from behind and their eyes locked in the reflection. "It's-" Yuri said breathlessly.

"Your's," Victor interrupted.

"What?" Yuri said.

"It fits your routine perfectly." He closed the space between them. "It can be taken in here," he pinched the fabric around her waist, "and let out on top." Yuri blushed and caught his gaze before his eyes could wander any further.

"I couldn't. It would be ruined."

"No, it would be _completed._ Besides, you have to wear something. Unless you plan on performing Eros in nothing but a pair of skates." Yuri scoffed. "It wouldn't be the most ideal considering how cold rinks usually are but it would be quite a statement." Yuri ran her hands along her arms liking the way the sleeves felt under her fingers. "So what will it be? This? Or should I start polishing your skates?"

"I'm not skating naked," Yuri deadpanned.

"Then it's decided," Victor said.

"I'm wearing this one," Yuri said from the other side of the room. In the moment the other two had forgotten his presence. Of course, he'd chosen a see through top coated in shinning beads and feathers.

"It looks amazing on you," Yuri said truthfully.

"I know."

With the costume situation taken care of the three took to the ice. Russian Yuri went first and ran himself into the ground striving for perfection. He panted with his hands on his knees refusing to stop long enough to even catch his breath. He was tearing himself apart and Victor encouraged it, he egged him on. Again and again he was criticized for being mechanical.

"Just tell me what I'm doing wrong!" Yuri shouted in frustration. His next jump landed awkwardly when his ankle rolled under him. He stayed down longer than it usually took him to pull himself to his feet and Yuri (who had been warming up on the other side of the rink) glided over and offered him her hand. He ignored her and rubbed at his ankle wich worried her. She touched his shoulder.

"Did you really hurt it?" He recoiled at the contact and knocked her arm away.

"I'm fine!" He snapped forcing his leg to bear weight so he could stand. Sweat cascaded down his face and his muscles shook visibly.

"Well you don't look fine. Maybe you should take a break."

"And let you have the ice all to yourself? No way," he shot back. Yuri crossed her arms over her chest.

"You don't have to be rude. I'm only trying to look out for you."

"Yeah well who asked you too? Huh?" He got up in her face. "I'm not backing off until I win and you're nothing more than a burn out." Spit flew from his lips. "Do you really think you have a chance? You'll be nothing once he's gone and believe me I-" Victor yanked him back by the collar and pushed him away forcibly enough to cause him to fall.

"That's enough," Victor growled. He glared at the teenager on the ice. Yuri glared right back at him but his expression was tainted with a wince. Victor huffed and bent down to feel along Yuri's ankle. He objected but Victor held on firmly, he didn't bother being gentle.

"That hurts," Yuri snapped.

"It's not even sprained," Victor returned. He stood and wrenched Yuri to his feet by his arm. "Walk it off. You're done for the day." Yuri grit his teeth and sped off the ice away from them. Yuri watched after him. Instead of his words making her angry they made her kind of sad. He was tearing her down as a last attempt to keep his own head above water.

"He's the one who's burning out."

"I know," Victor replied.

"Aren't you going to do anything about it?" Yuri asked.

"He has to figure it out for himself. I don't have any answers to give him." He looked after the fuming teenager. "It's such a shame. He has so much potential but he can't see it yet," he glanced over at her, "you two are a lot alike that way."

Yuri's practice was looking to be mildly successful. Although, trying to embody a sexy meat dish _and_ remember the choreography was proving to be a challenge. It wasn't natural and she was afraid it never would be. Victor called her over after a flubbed jump. "You have to keep your core strong through the rotations," he placed one hand on her stomach and the other on the small of her back. "You have so much strength in your skating but you have to carry that over into your jumps or you'll never have the right balance." His breath tickled the back of her neck and a memory flashed in her mind. It was just a fragment. Skin. Pressure. This? She pulled away from his contact unnerved by the sudden deja vu.

"Thanks, I-I think I got it." She hoped it was just her imagination that caused her to see the faint disappointment in his eyes.

They didn't spend that evening together. They split off and enjoyed the hot spring from their respective sides of the wall. Victor dragged Yuri into the hot water ignoring all of his protests. Victor observed his usual teen angst for a while with questioning eyes.

"What?" Yuri asked eventually.

"What was today about?" Yuri rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nothing. Why the hell do you care anyway. Is it because I hurt your precious pork cutlet bowl's feelings?" He mocked.

"No. I ask because we've been working for almost a week and you've not improved at all." Yuri looked away.

"That's because you're a lousy coach."

"Then go back to Yakov," Victor replied.

"No."

"Then figure it out." Yuri glared at him.

"It's not that easy."

"I never said it was going to be easy," Victor said. Yuri got up and out of the water.

"Just leave it alone," Yuri groaned before heading for the door. "I'm sick of listening to this."

When he was alone Victor sat with his back against the dividing wall and closed his eyes. He couldn't help but see her in his mind. The way she moved. The way she smiled and laughed and blushed. From the other pool Yuri too was focusing intently. She was trying desperately to recall the fragments of memory that had sent an electric current through her chest. No matter how hard she tried nothing more came back but a mix of emotion swirling through her. She relaxed sitting against the wall and as if it was instinct they were back to back. There was but a few inches between them. Victor was sure he could hear her steady breathing and Yuri was positive that the wood thumped along with his rhythmic pulse. _I want to be closer,_ she thought. And all at once the twisted emotions strengthened and washed over her like a wave. Confusing. Uncomfortable. Addicting. She couldn't stand it. Getting to her feet she headed for the showers. Victor didn't need to be able to hear her footsteps to know she was gone.

* * *

 **A.N: I know it's short but I've been so completely crushed under mountains of work... I think it's actually destroying me. I was able to write tonight but I could only do a little (I am in desperate need of sleep) I still want to continue this and any suggestions would definitely help move the process along. Sorry to keep you waiting I never expected anyone to read this let alone want more. Anyway, It's not edited or proof read this is entirely raw. I'll add more or fix it up when I get the chance, if I ever do. I'd love to hear from you and as always, I can never tell**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N: Can someone please explain why I keep getting emails about story followers? I haven't updated this in almost a YEAR. Well as it turns out I have more of this story in my docs so here's a sizable chunk to hold you guys over for a while. If you're actually reading this let's chat. I'm bored.**

* * *

Yuri looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"This is real," she smeared face wash around on her cheeks, "you beat Plisetsky. You won Victor." She huffed air out of her nose and splashed water over her face. Reaching for a towel she dabbed the water away from her skin. "You're badass," she murmured.

"Just because you say that every day doesn't make it true," Mari said from the shower. Yuri rolled her eyes. "I Yuri Katsuki, beat a pale, goth-baby in ice skating and now Victor Nikiforov is MINEEE!" Mari mimicked. Yuri walked over and flushed the toilet, smirking as Mari shrieked under the cold water. The shower turned off and Mari groaned. "I still have soap in my hair Yuri!" Yuri smiled as she turned the bathroom door handle to exit the room. "You're not badass you're just an ass!" Mari hollered, reaching for a washcloth to wipe the soapy water from her eyes. Yuri opened the bathroom door and slammed straight into a wall of rock hard abs.

"Ah-" Yuri squeaked, her nose was pressed against his skin and she reared back smacking her head on the door jam.

"Morning," a groggy, probably hungover, definitely shirtless, Victor said. He put his hands on her shoulders and stepped past her into the bathroom.

"Morning," Yuri replied barley audible. Her cheeks were on fire. The bathroom door shut and it took a minute but Yuri suddenly spun on her heels. _Mari's still in the shower! Oh my gosh. Do I knock? Throw a towel over his head?_ Her thoughts were cut off as the toilet flushed. She could hear him turn on the sink and open one of the drawers. She paced outside the door and then she heard the towel closet door open. She threw open the door causing Victor to jump almost choking on the toothbrush in his mouth. He pulled his hand out of the closet.

"What are you doing?" He asked with toothpaste dripping down his chin.

"I'm actually not done in here so you have to get out."

"What? Yuri I have to take a shower."

"Well I have to get something so…"

"Just get it then," Victor groaned spinning into the sink and rising off his toothbrush. Yuri bit her lip and glanced over at the shower. She could see Mari peeking out from the curtain motioning for Yuri to do something.

What do you want me to do? Yuri mouthed.

Anything. Mari mouthed back, flailing her hands around. Victor tuned and Mari disappeared back into the shower.

"Do you mind?" Victor asked, motioning to the shower.

"I do actually. I need the bathroom so-" Victor cocked his head to the side and pushed the elastic band on his sweatpants down ever so slightly. "What are you doing?" Yuri deadpanned.

"I'm taking a shower. You're welcome to stay," Victor returned.

"You have to get out," Yuri snapped. "I need a sanitary pad." Victor froze and a pink blush blossomed over his exposed chest.

"Oh." His jaw snapped shut and he pulled his sweats back up over his hip bones. "Okay…" He stepped toward the door. Yuri pushed him from behind.

"There's a shower in the hot spring you can try there." She slammed the door closed after him. Mari's head popped out from the shower curtain.

"A Pad? Really Yuri?"

"What did you want me to do! He was stripping!" Yuri threw a towel to her sister and Mari stepped out with it wrapped around her.

"That wouldn't have been the end of the world if you know what I mean."

"No," Yuri said. She lowered her voice, "You saw?" Mari raised her brows and pursed her lips.

"Let's just say if you don't go for him I'm gonna have to."

"Don't speak," Yuri hissed. "Just go get dressed."

Shortly after Yuri and Mari went down to help with the guests and breakfast. Ever since the competition with Russian Yuri, there have been more guests than ever. It took them a few hours but finally, the family was able to relax and enjoy a morning of their own. Yuri took her seat next to Victor at the table.

"Here." He pushed a cup of something to her. "It's chujojo, your mom says it's the best for… women's issues." Mari started laughing from across the room.

"Thank you Victor," Yuri said taking the cup. "Uh- didn't you want to talk about yesterday's competition?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"You mean that one?" Her father asked gesturing to the TV. Sure enough, Yuri and Yuri's competition was being replayed for everyone to see.

"You should see what they're saying online." Mari took a sip of her coffee.

"Has it gotten to Ice Network yet?" Victor asked.

"Uh yeah, and a ton of tabloids."

"Excellent, what are they saying?" Mari scrolled through her phone.

"Well I'd read it aloud but…" She trailed off looking at their parents sitting at the head of the table.

"Oh honey don't stop on our account!" Her mother chimed in. Mari shrugged and stifled a smirk.

"Yuri Katsuki excites her audience in more way than one-"

"Ok that's enough," Yuri cut in.

"Where's that from?" Victor asked.

"FS Today," Mari replied. Yuri groaned and covered her face with her hands.

"How did the video get out already?".

"This is a good thing," Mari said. "People are finally giving you the attention you deserve."

"Mari's right, people will be paying attention at the next competitions so we'll have to get ready for them," Victor teased. There was enough truth behind it to cause a tightening in Yuri's chest. Yuri cleared her throat and took a sip of tea only to immediately spit it back into the cup.

"That's disgusting. Has anyone spoken to Yurio? Did he make it home safe?"

"Don't try to change the subject when, 'Japan is seeing a side of you they've never seen before'," Mari quoted from her phone.

"I'm gonna go to the rink", Yuri said getting up from the table.

"Don't be a bad sport!" Mari cried throwing her arms around her sister. "You're gonna have to clean up those jumps with… a coach from Spain coming to see you in the Kyushu Championship to scout the competition."

"Really?" Victor chirped. "That's great."

"No," Yuri said throwing her sister off. "It's really not." She looked at the faces around the room and her lungs didn't want to function. "I think I'm gonna jog there." She broke away from them and desperately moved to escape outside.

"Yuri hold on," Victor said running after her. "Don't go, we're just having fun." When he caught up with her his face dropped at her expression. "What's wrong?"

"I-I don't think I can do this," Yuri said.

"What?!" Victor said with a confused smile.

"Yurio should have beaten me." Victor's eyes narrowed.

"He didn't stand a chance." Even though he undressed each of her concerns more and more just kept popping up. She shivered harshly and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Hey, calm down, we're in this together." His words were meant to be reassuring but they didn't stop the swirling anxiety in her mind.

"But for how long? What happens if I mess up or you get bored with me? Are you going to go running back to them? I'm nothing if you leave."

"What are you talking about? We're just getting started," Victor said. Yuri leaned against the side of the house trying to catch her breath. "Calm down."

"I can't. Don't you get that? I'm a head case," Yuri snapped.

"Yuri-"

"No, if you can't handle it you should leave. I can't get my hopes up again if-" Suddenly his arms were wrapped around her. "What are you doing Victor?"

"Just breathe for a second ok? What brought this on? Huh?" He asked, rocking her deeper into his embrace.

"What am I doing breathing or answering questions?" She asked. He laughed and she could feel it vibrate through her. Closing her eyes she allowed herself to just breathe. The pressure around her chased away her desire to run. "I'm okay now."

"You're heart's still beating really hard."

"Yeah that's not- It's not the um... Can you maybe let go?" He stepped back and she adjusted her hair and clothing. "Thanks."

"Always. And I mean that I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He asked squeezing her shoulder. She nodded and he smiled. "Now what?"

"I want to skate," Yuri replied.

On the ice, everything was easier. She didn't have to find the words for him she could just show him. There was a deeper understanding between them, common ground. After a long practice, Yuri skated over to sit next to him on the bench. He was reading an email.

"A company wants to sponsor you," he said.

"Really? So soon?" Victor nodded. "You think it's a good idea?"

"I do."

* * *

And that's why a few weeks and a few competitions later they found themselves at a promotional photoshoot. Yuri stood in a room swirling with people. Props were put in her hands and set around her. They made her sit, stand, and everything in between.

"Can we get makeup back in here," the director shouted. "Yuri I'm gonna need more from you."

People fused with her face and hair. They tugged her clothing in revealing ways and then a bright flash would pop in and blind her.

"There. I think that's as good as were going to get today," the director finally said. She was so relieved to be done- until the posters were published.

They had torn her apart. There was less of her in some places and more in others. Overnight she gained a title alongside professional figure skater, as the girl the whole world wants to sleep with. It might not have been so bad if it wasn't for the constant comparison between herself and the woman they expected her to be. Every aspect of her life and appearance was under examination. Suddenly it wasn't her job to just win competitions, she had to "sell sexy".

So what if she stopped going outside. A person could survive between a bedroom and the ice rink. Right?

"Yuri are you awake?" Victor asked from outside her bedroom door. That's where he'd been standing a lot recently. "Please answer me."

"I'm sleeping," Yuri replied. Victor cracked the door open.

"Let's go for a walk." For some strange reason, Yuri agreed.

They walked over to the beach and sat on the rocks, watching the waves slid up and down the sand. A light breeze played through Yuri's hair and she looked up at the overcast sky. It so unusual gray, as if all the sky's color was trapped in the eyes of the man sitting next to her. She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them.

"I've never seen the ocean like this before," Victor said. He leaned back on his arms and buried his bare feet in the sand.

"You've seen oceans all over the world," Yuri replied.

"Yeah." They let silence surround them interrupted only by the flapping of a bird's wings. Victor slid his gaze over to her and stood. "Walk with me?"

Victor liked to let the water lap at his feet. Yuri stayed where the sand was warm and dry.

"You're quiet today," Victor commented reaching into the waves to pull a stone out of the water. Yuri shrugged. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Yuri said. She pulled her sleeves over her hands. Victor ran his thumb over the stone's smooth surface.

"Liar."

"Do I have to tell you everything," she snapped. Victor blinked at the spark of frustration that carried her words. "Sorry," Yuri said. She pushed strands of hair behind her ears.

"Do I upset you?" Victor asked his eyes scanning the water below. Yuri turned her attention to the emotions swirling in her heart.

"No," She murmured. She reached out and touched his arm. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"When I ask you things about yourself you shut down." Victor's eyes flashed up and locked onto hers. "Why can't I know you?" His gaze was unreadable and yet it startled her heart.

"I- You want to?" Yuri asked. Victor's mouth opened in a bewildered half smile. He shook his head lightly causing her cheeks to flame. He draped an arm over her shoulders and she stumbled down onto the wet sand.

"You're kind of hopeless you know that?" Victor said lightly, still laughing under his breath.

He didn't move his arm as they walked. Instead, he placed the rock in her hands and stood tall, soaking in the muffled sunlight. Yuri tried not to lose herself in the warmth of his side. "So tell me Yuri Katsuki," Victor took a slight pause, "who are you?" Yuri fiddled with the stone in her hands. "Besides a professional figure skater," he added quickly.

"Well… As of last spring, I'm licensed to teach." Victor beamed down at her.

"Really?" She nodded.

"Yeah, I'm going to teach English someday."

"What level?" Victor asked.

"Kids," Yuri replied, feeling a tender smile settle on her lips. Suddenly a thought crept into the back of her mind. Her smile fell."Or at least that's what I had planned. It probably won't happen." She hooked the smooth stone with her index finger and skipped it three times across the water.

"Why not," Victor cooed.

"What kind of school's going to hire a sex symbol?" Yuri asked bitterly. "If I'm ever able to teach I doubt it will be in Japan." Victor tightened his hold on her slightly. "But if that's what it takes to win," she said, trying to push the image of herself in a classroom as far down as possible. Victor stopped walking.

"You're hurting," he trailed off, taking in her expression. Yuri looked up at him. She wanted to ease the visible guilt he was feeling.

"It's alright, really, I have other plans now. Winning Gold for one thing." she made her voice rise to a lighter octave but her damp eyes betrayed her."I'll focus on skating like I always have and when it's over… I'll find something else."

"Yuri," Victor said. His tone amplified the aching in her chest.

"It's fine!" Yuri said. She brushed at her eyes quickly, "ugh, sorry. This is so stupid." Her lip trembled and she covered her face so he wouldn't see.

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about how Eros would affect-"

"No, don't," Yuri interrupted. "I want this. Really." She leaned against him and tried to lighten the mood. "Skating has always been my number one. I don't need to teach to be happy."

"Liar," Victor said softly. Yuri didn't correct him.

"Things are just different now that's all. I thought I was done and I let myself fall in love with something else." She turned so she was in front of him and tipped her head back so she could catch his eyes. "I want to be a champion, Victor. And I want you to help me do it." He nodded and the honest determination in her eyes eased his conscience. His arms wrapped around her and she squealed in surprise.

"You'll be the best skater in the world," he said into her hair. She blushed and pushed him away.

"We'll see…" she said taking a step away and into the surf. The cool water bathed her shins.

"We will," Victor said matter-of-factly. Yuri rolled her eyes and wandered through the shallow water. She looked down at her reflection and was content with the person who looked back at her. Her eyes moved over and she couldn't help but smile at man collecting stones and shells in his back pocket.

"Hey Victor, want to see something cool?"

She took him somewhere secret to the rest of the world. There is a section of the beach that is a cityscape of large stones and driftwood. He marveled at them the closer they got.

"Wow…"

"You haven't seen anything yet," Yuri replied. She climbed up on one of the taller rock piles and stood at the top waiting for Victor to follow. Once he had almost made it she dropped to the other side, out of sight.

"Yuri-" Victor gasped. He scrambled to the top and froze.

"Well?" Yuri asked, standing next to a cluster of tide pools.

"It's-" She walked over and took his hand, pulling him towards the biggest one. They dropped to their knees and looked inside. Muscles lined the stone walls, seaweed grew up and branched out in the water, and every now and again something would flicker and catch the light. Life swam in every inch of the shallow pool.

"Pretty cool huh?" Yuri said pushing her hair back to lean in close to the water.

"It's amazing!" Victor exclaimed. His hand fell on top of her's and he drew her attention back to him. "utterly amazing," he said slowly. Yuri swallowed as the air around them became alive. "You never stop surprising me," he murmured. Yuri's eyes lingered on his lips as he spoke. Her heart was pounding in her chest but she leaned forward anyway. He brushed away the hair that blew in front of her face and his fingers lingered behind her ear. So close. She could feel his breath on her cheek. I must be dreaming, she thought as she brought her hand up to rest on his. Her eyes drifted closed and she felt him close what little space there was between them. Right before his lips met her's something caught his eye.

"Look at that," Victor chirped. All at once he was on the other side of the pool examining something in the water. Yuri's eyes snapped open.

"What?" She sputtered.

"It's a... Ah-" Victor snapped his fingers. "What's it called in English?"

"Starfish," Yuri deadpanned.

"Right! Incredible," Victor trailed off. Yuri stared at him in disbelief. Had she imagined it all or had he really been just a heartbeat away from kissing her. He stuck his hand in the pool and poked at it gently only to draw his hand back so quickly water splashed up on his face. Yuri chuckled at him under her breath and sat back to slow her pulse. The sun emerged from the clouds and she felt it's warmth on her shoulders.

Yuri lounged next to the tide pool and watched Victor explore every inch of it. Every few minutes his head would bounce up with a question. She answered each and every one of them just to see the smile that he gave her. At one point she looked over to see him snapping pictures of her.

"What are you doing?"

"Instagram has got to see this." Yuri rolled her eyes in response. She wasn't wearing any makeup, her hair wasn't brushed nicely, and her clothes were old and comfortable

"It won't be what they're used to seeing of me."

"Yeah you dropped that sponsor," Victor said, finalizing the post.

"I did?"

"Yep." He turned his phone to her so she could see the picture he'd taken of her. "These are the only kinds of pictures that matter now." She smiled and laid back beginning to doze off under the orange sunset. An immeasurable amount of time had passed before his voice returned.

"What are you thinking about during Eros?" She opened her eyes and saw that he was sitting next to her. "I have a hard time believing it's still katsudon." She raised herself up onto her elbows.

"No it's not katsudon," she admitted. The corner of his mouth tugged up and his eyes glint mysteriously.

"Then what?" She looked away wanting to say,

"You, you big idiot."

"Come on tell me! Don't be shy," Victor said, trailing his hand over her forearm.

"Just… the usual stuff," she said finally. Victor laid down next to her with his head propped on his hand.

"So an ex-lover. Tell me, which encounter do I have the pleasure of seeing every day at practice?"

"Victor, I'm not talking to you about this." Yuri sat up and crossed her legs under her. Victor laid back with his hands behind his head.

"Fine, then I'll guess." Yuri's face twisted. "Let's see… from what I see at practice I'm guessing it was hot, steamy, romantic," his eyes flicked over to her, "wild…" Yuri snorted. "Not on the right track am I?" Victor mused. "Alright, then slow, building, and passionate." Yuri scrunched up her nose and shook her head. Victor rose up to a seated position. "Not slow and not steamy… did you at least make him beg?"

"Victor!" Yuri gasped, blushing up to her ears. He chuckled at her. "Nothing like that."

"Really? Maybe try thinking 'wild' the next time we run it through. It might add something to it."

"I can't…" Yuri said under her breath. "I never have."

"Ok then one of the other ways." Yuri felt a pulling in her gut.

"No. I never have… at all." She couldn't meet his eye. He froze.

"You're a virgin?" She bit her lip, wanting to crawl under one of the rocks around them.

"You know virgin but not starfish?" She mumbled. Victor didn't find it amusing. His eyes bore into her. "Don't be so surprised," she pleaded, begging him not to make a big deal out of it.

"But…" He trailed off. "We've talked about boyfriends."

"You've asked me about my ex's not if I slept with any of them," Yuri corrected. She dipped her toes into the pool. "I've never been able to love myself, let alone make love to someone else." She waited for him to look at her differently but he never did.

"Well you had me fooled," Victor said gently. He moved next to her so their shoulders were touching. They watched the sunset in the reflection at their feet. "There's nothing wrong with that, Yuri. Nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I know," Yuri said quickly. Victor smiled and cocked his head to the side.

"It just makes me wonder, even more, how you captivate everyone in the room all at once." Yuri shrugged.

"I can't explain it," she said. "I guess I just have a knack."

"Oh really?" Victor scoffed. "From what I've seen on the ice it's more than just a knack." Yuri pressed her chin into her shoulder and surrendered to the wave of butterflies his tone gave her.

"It's not hard really," she said. She moved closer to him, if that was even possible, and relaxed her gaze making sure his eyes never left hers."I just think of all the things I wanted to do but never did." She let the words linger on her tongue. It was meant to be a joke but Victor's breath hitched. She bit back a smile. Curiosity pushed her one step further, and she brushed her fingers over the back of his hand. "Just because I've never had it doesn't mean I've never wanted it…" His eyes reflected the splintering sunlight back to her. "Believe me… there is so much I want." _And all of it you_. She worked her fingers up his wrist causing his head to tip down to her. She danced her breath across his lips, "Eros isn't sex its seduction." He leaned into her words and suddenly it didn't feel like a game anymore. Worried he wouldn't stop she braced her hand against his chest. She could feel his heart racing and suddenly she was the one who didn't want to stop. It was one thing to seduce a stadium full of people but this... she was playing her own heart. _Kiss him_ , she thought. Just an inch closer and their lips would meet. She wanted to tangle her fingers in his hair and their tongues together. She had everything to lose but just maybe… Holding her breath she pressed herself closer. _Kiss him…_

"You're shaking," Victor's voice interrupted. His eyes were open in an instant, holding a gaze that came dangerously close to seeing everything she was trying to hide from him. His hand reached up toward her face. She shied away from him cheeks flaming from what she had almost done. "That was quit a demonstration," Victor hummed. She wouldn't meet his eye.

"I- it was," She sputtered.

"Very Eros," Victor said. Yuri laughed uncomfortably and pushed herself to her feet. "But I think it was missing something." Yuri gasped as she was pinned up against the wall of rock behind her. She was completely trapped even with room to move away.

"And, um, what would that be?" She asked. He cocked his head to the side,

"I'll know it when I see it." Yuri thought she was going to pass out.

"I thought this was your area of expertise?" Victor laughed and his breath warmed her cheek. "Didn't you invent Eros," she murmured. Victor's lips pursed and the gaze locked on her became amused.

"You're reinventing it without giving me a chance to catch up," he said, practically into her neck. Yuri didn't comprehend what he was saying because her eyes were locked on the way his lips moved as he spoke. "This is an Eros I've never seen before." His voice melted into the sound of the surf.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Yuri said breathlessly. Gold sunlight shattered the sky. The ocean air fluttered through his hair and his smell surrounded her. Her heart danced erratically in her chest and she knew there was only one thing left to do.

"Tell me to stop," she exhaled. In one motion she raised herself up and pressed her lips against his as the sunset burst behind them.

For a moment it was everything she thought it would be and more. She begged him just to melt into the kiss and for half a second he did. Until he didn't. Victor stiffened under her hands. No. He pulled away from her completely. He was staring at her with a pinched brow. He shook his head lightly and the ocean air carried their moment away.

"Yuri-"

"Oh my God," Yuri rasped. She pushed past him and pulled herself up and over the rocks before he had a chance to stop her.

"Wait!" Victor called after her. Yuri took off down the beach. What have I done? Begging her lungs to corroborate she increased the distance between them with every step. Her fingernails dug into her palms as the moment replayed over and over in her head. Footsteps ran up behind her and an arm wrapped around her waist. She cried out as she was lifted into the air and turned back the way she'd come. "Yuri!" Victor's voice erupted in her ear. She struggled against him and he let her drop back onto the sand.

"Leave me alone," She gasped, she turned away from him and strode back down the shore.

He kept pace with her like a shadow and only let her take a few steps before tapping her wrist in his hand.

"Stop," he pleaded. Instead of facing him she dug her toes into the cold sand. "Don't run away from me."

A curse escaped Yuri 's lips and she wished the sea lapping at her feet would rise up and drown her. She tugged lightly for freedom.

"Please Victor," she whispered. He sighed and pulled her arm so she was forced to face him. He frowned at the tears that began falling from her eyes.

"It's okay," he soothed. The look on his face made her sick. Sympathy.

"No. It's not." She threw her weight towards the sea and the tension broke his hold on her. "God, I am such an idiot! Someone like you would never..." She brushed the tears off of her face but more replaced them. "I'm sorry," She said. She wrapped her arms around herself and watched as the last light of day died behind the horizon.

"Don't take it back," Victor said.

"What?" Yuri asked looking back at him.

"For months you've been hiding but now I feel like I can finally see you." Yuri grimaced. "Yuri, you sell yourself far too short." He closed the distance between them and reached for her face.

"Don't," she exhaled, shrinking away from him.

"Yuri-"

"You're my coach Victor!" Yuri exploded. She thrust her hands against his chest. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is!" She pushed him again and they both stepped deeper into the water. "Why didn't you stop me!" She slipped on something under the water and gasped as she fell into the waves. He quietly pulled her up and onto the dry sand. Her clothes were soaked and salt water stung her eyes.

"You're bleeding," Victor said examining her scraped palm. She pulled it away from him and shook her head.

"I can't be that girl," she said. "That gets to kiss you on the beach." He took in her words and rolled them around.

"Yuri, it doesn't have to mean anything." His words stung her soul and she shook with heartbreak. Victor looked at her helplessly. "I don't understand."

"I've-" Yuri's voice gave out. She closed her eyes but at this point, she had nothing left to lose. "I've had a crush on you since I was 13." She waited for the world to implode but nothing happened. "And when I thought I'd never skate again you showed up. You gave me my life back and I thought, maybe this is my chance," She inhaled, "I've had feelings for you for so long and today… I thought you could feel them too." Victor clenched his jaw. "But you're my coach," Yuri said barely audible. "So I don't get to be the girl who holds your hand and shares her secrets. I don't get to fall for you." If she were to open her eyes she would see his heart crumbling. The same hope she held for all those years was fluttering lightly in his eyes. If she would just look! Victor bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to say, "why not?" But instead, he put a hand on her shoulder, leaned down, and gave her a single peck on the cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize," he said. He stepped back and began walking in the direction of the inn. Yuri spun around and watched him go.

"Tell me I'm wrong," she whispered. "Tell me I have a chance." But Victor didn't run to her, he didn't even look back.

It was getting dark, the wind whipped up a chill in her bones, and the sound of the waves increased until she was sure they would rush up and pull her away. She fell to her knees and filled her fists with sand. It hurt to keep it a secret, it hurt to tell him, and now it hurts to cry. It was hard to tell how long she stayed there. It must have been longer than she thought judging by how many of the shops were closed when she wandered back home. She opened their door in a daze and stepped inside.

"Yuri!" She looked up to see her entire family on their feet in surprise. "It's so late!" Her mother snapped. She looked around the room and her gaze fluttered over Victor's startled expression. "Why are you all wet?" Mari demanded. Yuri ran her hands over her tangled, sandy hair.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, avoiding all eye contact. She started to kick off her shoes before remembering she wasn't wearing any. Instead, she adjusted the damp hem of her shorts and walked past them without another word. Victor ran after her.

"I shouldn't have left you," he said catching up to her. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Yuri said, refusing to meet his eye.

"We should talk a-"

"I'm cold," Yuri interrupted. Victor's mouth snapped shut. He desperately wanted to wrap her up in something warm and rub the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"Later," he said. Yuri looked past him and noticed that his bedroom door was ajar. There was an open suitcase on his bed. "You should change," Victor said but she couldn't hear him. Her vision narrowed and her feet walked without her command.

"You're packing?" She pushed open his door further and walked over to his bed. She lifted a shirt out of the suitcase and clenched it in her hands. Victor watched her with a blank expression. "But-" Her knees crashed to the floor.

"Yuri," Victor gasped. He kneeled next to her and tried to catch her attention by taking her hands. "Your skin is like ice," he said with a pinched brow.

"You want to leave?" Yuri asked. Tears gathered in her eyes. Guilt splashed across Victor's face as he peeled her fingers off of the shirt.

"We don't have to talk about that right now," he replied quietly. He rubbed his hands up her arms attempting to give them a bit of color.

"But-" Yuri couldn't remember how to breathe. "I did everything you asked me to. I told you everything," she said with her diaphragm still twitching to inhale. "You can't just go."

"I thought…" Victor shook his head. "Maybe some space would benefit-" The glare she was giving him stopped his words dead in their tracks. He swallowed, "I don't think I can stay here." Waves of ice water came crashing over her. Yuri fell back as her body greedily took in air.

"I don't understand," she said, scrambling to her feet while trying to steady her breathing. Victor looked at her helplessly,

"I don't want to make things worse for you."

A switch flipped inside her.

"Tell me you're not being serious," she demanded. "We- you…" Yuri raked her nails against her scalp. "This is it for me."

"I'm sorry," was all he said. She turned on her heels unable to even look at him. "I never meant to play with your feelings." She grit her teeth and in the blink of an eye, she was standing inches away from him with her hand raised. She shook with the effort it took not to slap him across the face. Her eyes burned into him and slowly her fingers closed into a fist and her hand dropped to her side.

"It was just a kiss," she ground out. "I put everything on the line for this. I have nothing to go back to." He looked at her wide-eyed. "Do you even care?" She gasped, struggling to keep her voice steady. He didn't respond. She reached down and pulled clothes from off his bed and stoved them into his chest. "Just go then. Get the hell out of here," he stumbled back in complete shock. Yuri blinked the red-hot tears from her eyes before they could fall."You're not the man I thought you were," she said, pushing past him and out into the hall slamming his door closed behind her.

Victor collapsed onto his bed and dropped his head into his hands. Her words echoed in his skull. Reaching over he threw the suitcase to the floor with a curse. It exploded, spewing its contents across the room. He fell back and stared up at the ceiling. Yuri pulled on a pair of shoes before running through the front door and down the porch steps.

"Where are you going!" Mari called, standing in the doorway. Her sister paused and the two made eye contact.

"Don't tell mom," Yuri said. Mari's eyebrows creased but she nodded once and Yuri turned, jogging away into the night.

Victor was only half asleep when the birds started chirping. He rubbed his eyes and sat up looking around at the mess from the night prior. Stretching, he got to his feet and wandered into the kitchen. Mari was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee while her mother prepared breakfast. Victor sat down and called Macca over to him.

"Is Yuri up?" Hiroko asked. "I want her to help with the hot spring today. She deserves it for the stunt she pulled last night." Mari sipped her coffee and chewed on the corner of her mouth. "Mari?" Her mother demanded.

"She's not here," Mari said, setting down her cup.

"What?" Hiroko exclaimed. "She went out already?"

"No… she went out last night and she hasn't come home yet." Mari jumped as her mother slammed a pot onto the counter.

"She what?!"

"I'll look for her," Victor said getting to his feet.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" Mari hissed. Victor regarded her cooly before pulling on his coat and heading out the door.

He knew where she went because he knew her. When he walked into Ice Palace the wind was knocked right out of him. There she was, in a ray of early morning sun, with bare legs speckled with goosebumps. The music. It was like nothing he'd heard before, fast, electric, and loud enough to rattle in his chest. She'd let her hair down and it tangled around her while she spun. It was a release of everything she'd been holding in her ribcage, anger, heartache, secrets… Victor felt it all melt on his skin like snowflakes. Every time she pushed the hair out of her face he felt a ping in his chest. When she dove onto her knees, arched her back and slid across the middle of the ice a fire lit in Victor's stomach. Hips. Arms. The way the light caught on a bead of sweat. There was something familiar about her movement and he shifted his weight as the banquet night fluttered in the back of his mind. The way her body curved was intoxicating, addicting… From across the rink, she caught him staring. She pulled her arms against her body, spinning faster and chasing his image away. This wasn't about him, not anymore. When the song ended Yuri caught her breath and examined the collection of fresh bruises that freckled her lower legs. Her skin was raw and pink but the cold was numb and comfortable. His presence was hanging over her. Looking back she saw his eyes locked on her the same way as before.

She stated over the gate and returned his gaze. She forced him to break the silence.

"Have you been here all night?" He asked.

"Depends, is it morning?" Victor pursed his lips at her short response. She walked past him and sat down to pull her skates off. "You shouldn't have left. You made your mother worry." Yuri scoffed and stood up to face him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You're one to talk," she spat. Victor closed his eyes and sighed.

"I didn't come here to fight with you," he said. "I made a mistake. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking last night." He looked so tired. Yuri's arms fell to her sides. "I was being selfish. I'm sorry." Yuri's body language softened. Victor grasped her arm lightly and looked at her intently. "I still want to be your coach. If you'll have me," he added. Yuri nodded, hesitant at first.

"You know I don't need you," she said defensively. It didn't matter if it was a lie.

"I know," Victor said with a half-hearted smile. Yuri inhaled deeply.

"Okay," she said finally. Victor's smile became relieved. His eyes caught on how the shirt she was wearing hung over her frame. The cut was unmistakably male.

"Yuri, who's shirt is that?" Yuri's hand flew to her chest.

"I'm- I'm not alone," she said quietly, a blush flared on her cheekbones.

"Yuri-chan!" A voice called. A man wearing a hockey jersey walked around the corner with a towel around his neck and wet hair. "Thanks for waiting." He walked over to them and wrapped his arm around Yuri's waist. Yuri looked uncomfortable. "Is this him?" The man asked. Victor was watching him with a snarl hiding under his lip. "She's too good for you," he addressed Victor in broken English.

"Oh really?" Victor said back.

"Daichi don't" Yuri mumbled. Daichi's arms tangled around her, one hand cupped her ass and the other played with her waistband. Yuri stiffened in his hold.

"What happened to us getting food?" Diachi whispered in her ear.

"That was never going to happen. I-" she was cut off when his mouth started playing with her ear. Victor glared as his tongue worked down her neck. "Stop," Yuri mumbled but her eyes fluttered against her will. Victor's blood boiled.

"Come on baby, you weren't saying that last night." Yuri's eyes widened and she blushed up to her ears. He used her surprise to plant his lips on hers. Her jaw relaxed for half a second before she felt him smirk and it brought her back to her senses. She shoved him away.

"What the hell are you doing!" She yelled. "You can't just-"

"Look how mad we've made him," Daichi said. Yuri followed his eyes and the expression on Victor's face made her want to crawl under a rock. A power play, that's all Daichi was interested in.

"I'm leaving." She turned and started for the door. "And next time I catch you here past closing I'm telling Yuko."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Daichi asked. Yuri froze. "You should just keep it. It looks good on you." Yuri turned to him and in one motion pulled the shirt over her head and threw it at him.

"Asshole," she said, and in just a few strides left the ice behind.

Victor paused with his arms crossed over his chest. Diachi turned to him with a stupid grin on his face.

"What's wrong pretty?" He asked. "You should have come in earlier, you missed the best part." Victor rolled his eyes. Diachi's English was almost too bad to understand but his smugness came through loud and clear. In a smooth motion, Victor grabbed the towel and yanked Diachi forward by the back of his neck.

"You'll lose that charming smile if you're not careful," he said. The threat was clear.

"I'm not afraid of you," Diachi laughed.

"I wasn't talking about me," Victor said, flicking the other man away and onto the floor with his wrist. "Yuri has a hell of a knee drive." He put his hands in his coat pockets and left the other man before he could scramble to his feet.

Yuri was leaning against the front desk counter hiding her face in her hands. Victor came up behind her and laid his coat over her bare shoulders. She pulled it close against her body, hiding her bra and the skin beneath.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Yuri said, burning with embarrassment.

"Is he a problem?" Victor asked seriously. Yuri shook her head.

"He's nothing." Victor felt himself unwind slightly. Victor opened his mouth to speak again but Yuri added, "I really don't want to talk about it."

"We should get home, you're family is waiting," Victor said. Yuri nodded and followed him out the door.

They walked in silence. Yuri was absolutely freezing yet at the same time sweat beaded the back of her neck. She watched the sidewalk pass beneath her and kept her feet walking in step with his. She bit her lip trying to hold in her words but the spinning feeling in her stomach won.

"I didn't sleep with him," she blurted. Victor gave her a sideways glance.

"Yuri you don't have to explain anything."

"I do," Yuri said. "I don't want you to think I'm…" She trailed off.

"I never would." She felt a weight lift off her chest and she rested her forehead on his arm as they walked. She held his sleeve in her fingers.

"Wait, never? Not even when he was leeching off my neck?"

Victor chuckled.

"He's clearly not your type. Face it, Yuri, you're obsessed with pretty men. Well… man." She turned her face away. He smiled and pulled her to his side. "Just teasing…" he trailed off as he felt her frame twitching under his arm. "You're shivering. I didn't even think about it, we should have gotten a cab." He ran his hand up and down her arm.

"I'm fine," she said. Her whole body stiffened under his touch. Victor let go like she was a burning ember. The air around them was no longer care free. She frowned, it's never going to be easy between us. The thought made her chest sore and she carried it in the back of her mind until they made it home.

The house was... empty?

"So much for being worried," Yuri muttered, reading the note pinned to the wall that read that the rest of the family was making a market trip.

"Go change," Victor demanded.

"Fine," Yuri said, slipping his coat off and tossing it on her way through the living room. A noise caught in his throat as he caught it. He quickly averted his eyes to a picture on a nearby shelf. "Can you put water on?" Yuri asked from the doorway.

"S-sure," Victor said, trying not to notice how pale she was below the collarbone. He wandered into the kitchen and set water to boil. "She won't make eye contact with me but she'll walk around without clothes on," Victor said to himself with a small head shake.

Yuri came back in almost 40 minutes later. Her hair was wet and there was a warm blush on her skin. Despite the temperature going up from the afternoon sun, she was wearing a heavy sweatshirt and sweatpants. "Sorry I took so long," she said sitting down across from him at the table. "I just can't seem to get warm." She shrunk into her clothes.

"Coffee?" Victor asked. She nodded and rested her head on her hand. When he came back in with two cups in hand she was dozing, propped up on her elbow. Victor sat back down and slid the cup over to her. "Here," he said. Yuri opened her eyes and blinked a few times.

"Thanks." She took a small sip and held the cup in both hands, soaking up its warmth.

"Your cheeks are pink," Victor commented. "You were in the hot spring for a pretty long time."

"Not that long," she replied. "Twenty..."

"Thirty," Victor corrected, looking at her glazed over expression. "More like forty." She shrugged and pressed the cup against the side of her face. "You'll burn yourself."

"Feels good." She yawned and Victor tried pulling the cup out of her hands.

"You were up all night. You need sleep not coffee," he said. "You can have it later."

"Hey!" Yuri objected, she tugged it back and the scalding contents cascaded down her hand. "Ow!" She gasped, dropping the cup on the table and shaking the coffee off her skin. She sucked in air through her teeth.

"Are you alright?" Victor asked quickly. "Let me see."

"It's not bad," Yuri said. Victor got up and disappeared into the kitchen in search of something to clean up the mess. When he came back He dried off the table and patted the back of her hand which was red but not blistered. After he was done she rested her head on the crook of her arm and listened to his footsteps as he took the cups back to the kitchen and put the coffee pot away. She was half asleep by the time he came back to the table.

"Yuri?"

"Hmmm," she hummed.

"Get up. Go to bed," Victor said. Yuri tucked her face deeper into her arm. Victor squatted next to her. "Come on," he coaxed. He put a hand on her back and shook her lightly. "You can't sleep here you'll hurt your neck." Yuri groaned and sat up slowly. She pushed herself to her feet and headrush took her vision away. Instead of getting better after a few seconds it got worse and the room spun around her. Her balance was failing so she grabbed for the nearest thing which happened to be Victor's arm. She fell weakly to the side but he caught her with a sound of surprise. "Yuri!" her weight fell into his chest and they went down together. He sunk with her to the floor supporting her from behind.

"I guess I was in there for too long," she mumbled. Victor shifted her in his arms so he could see her face. Her skin was dewy with a sheen of sweat and her cheeks were bright red. He reached up and pressed his hand to her forehead.

"You're burning up," he declared.

"No, I'm not," she whispered. He pulled her close and put one arm under her knees and the other behind her back. He lifted her into the air and the movement caused her to cling to his shirt and her head to lul against his shoulder. "Victor-" She thought she had something to say but her tongue stilled and she let him carry her away.

The sheets he laid her on were not her own. His room. His bed. She opened her eyes and in the muffled light from outside, she could see him standing over her. He pulled the blanket saturated with his smell over her body.

"Sleep," he commanded. She could hear his footsteps as he crossed the room and closed the door. She tried to decide if he was still standing in the hall. Maybe his hand was still on the knob waiting for a reason to come back inside. She pulled the blanket up under her nose and another thought danced in her mind. Was it possible that he hadn't left at all? Had he pulled the door shut and sealed them inside? She listened for his breathing, for some sign of his presence. If she didn't look she could imagine he was standing at the foot of the bed. He would climb in next to her and wrap his arms around her, easing the fever aches out of her bones. In that manner, he held her until she fell asleep.

Victor kept himself busy for as long as he could, puttering through the inn, looking at pictures on the walls, and skimming every book on the shelf. He wondered, constantly, if she needed anything if there was something he could do to make it better, make it right. He walked over and pulled his coat off the back of the chair that Yuri had left it on. He slipped it over his arms and stepped outside, leaving the door open behind him. It was too warm to be wearing a jacket as heavy as this. The sunlight burrowed through the fabric and ate away at his skin but he left it on anyway. She had worn it with the collar up, popped against the wind and the eyes of anyone who might have passed by. Victor ran his fingers along the seem, careful not to pull it down. His free hand fell into his pocket and he trailed his thumb over the stone he kept there. One from the beach. He'd found it while packing the night before, tucked away in his pants pocket. For a reason, he didn't fully understand he knew he had to keep it, had to remember… He sighed and walked back inside, hanging his jacket on a hook and keeping the stone in hand.

Walking to his room he listened for a moment before cracking the door open. Yuri was sleeping with her arms and legs were thrown across the mattress. Her hair was draped over her face and the pillow and before he was fully aware of what he was doing he was sitting next to her, brushing the strands away from her eyes. She didn't sturr as his weight caused the bed to dip under her side. "We should go back to the beach," he whispered. "I want to sit under another sunset." He leaned in close enough to feel her breath. He was glad she didn't wake up but part of him hoped she was listening. "I felt it too." Yuri slept on. He sat back and noticed how her toes peaked out from the blanket. He looked across the rest of her, she had flung off the majority of the bedding leaving only the sheet across her legs. Her sweatshirt had ridden up and a ribbon of skin was exposed above her waistband. He rested his palm against her hip and waited. When she didn't open her eyes he ran his thumb back and forth against her bare skin. He watched her face closely for a reaction. His gaze traveled lower and the rise and fall of her chest captivated him. He wanted to ease himself next to her and pull her flush against himself until the exposed skin of her stomach met his. After a moment he pulled his hand away and turned, clearing his throat, and pushing the thoughts from his mind. He was her coach. He didn't get to be the man who took her to bed, who's hand could trail across bare skin, the man who would kiss her awake. He didn't get to fall for her.

He stood and pulled the sheet over her stomach. He turned to leave but thinking again he paused. Leaning over her he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Now we're even." He stepped back and placed the small stone on the bedside table where she would see it. Because more than he wanted to remember what she'd said to him on the beach and the way she had looked under the sunlight, he wanted her to know that he felt it too. "It's too late Yuri," he murmured, "I've been falling for you for too long to stop." He sighed, "Someday we can share something more than stolen kisses. Someday." He stood and exited the room silently.

Yuri's eyes shot open and she reached for him. Her arms came up empty and she frowned. It had seemed so real. The feeling of his lips against her skin. The sound of his voice. Burying her face in his pillow she willed herself to fall back into the dream she must have been having. Frustration settled over her and she flung the pillow away, knocking the small stone he'd left out of sight. Yuri stood, pulled her hair up out of her face, and fixed the blankets on his bed. She glanced at the bedside table with one last glimmer of hope but after confirming the table was bare she hardened her defenses and set out back into reality.

* * *

 **Please message me I'm bored and my best friend is busy getting tumors removed from her head. Let's have a conversation about random things or about this story or about other stories. ANYTHING. Let's be friends. I'll have more of this done someday. As always, I can Never Tell**


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